Advice, Proceed With Caution

A couple week ago my cousin called me to ask for some career advice.
It was an emotional moment for me. I did the same thing a few years ago and I have benefited from career advice from strangers who are doing very well in their own field.

I’ve also received (I didn't ask for it) bad advice from “experts” who turned out to be tree trolls.
​
So I shared three important lessons I learned about “advice” with my cousin.

Lesson #1: What to do when clueless people give you advice?
​

Let’s be real. How many people in your life lecture you while they’re not going anywhere themselves?

When I first started doing freelance work, I would listen to just about anybody who’d give me advice.

As I watched their freelancing career never took off, I came to my senses: These are the last people I should be listening to!

It’s like taking personal finance advice from a friend who’s deeply in debt. It’s well intended, but look where his ideas got him.

Nothing makes me want to jump out my office window (18th floor) more than when someone tells me I should “focus on my brand” when the person saying this has yet to build their own brand after 20 years effort.

Most people do want to help, but often they know little about the matter at hand (yet they're convinced that they know A LOT) which leads to dumb advice.

Anyway, I take great pleasure in taking advice from clueless people, as long as I can apply what I call the “STFU method.”

OK, here are a few techniques for applying the STFU method to your own situation:

1. When people give career advice, they’re probably right. That’s because the majority aren’t going anywhere in their career. So statistically speaking, they’re right to give you and me some advice since they have become intimately knowledgeable about their career through sheer time spent not progressing. 
   
2. Don’t yell “STFU” at people repeatedly. That would be rude. Instead, respond like this “Oh, that’s interesting. So, have you received a promotion simply by keeping the most updated LinkedIn profile? I don't think I can do that.” Then observe their face twist in pain.

A wise man once said “Don’t take advice from anybody more screwed up than you.”

Good advice.

Lesson #2: Most people are bad at giving advice, (even when they’re doing well) and what should you do about it?
​

I learned what turned out to be one of the most important lessons while seeking advice: Many people are bad at giving advice (even when they’re doing very well themselves).

While in grad school, I asked a few successful classmates how to get better grades.

This did not turn out so well.

Many of these successful classmates, under pressure to offer advice, would latch on to the first thing that came to mind--most of which was clearly not the foundation of achieving good grades.
​
One guy talked about what kind of notebook he used to take notes. (?!)

Over years I have realized that distilling insights from one’s experience doesn’t come naturally to most people.

So what to do about it?

I learned to use a “survey” method to distill people’s advice for them rather than asking for insights directly.

It’s similar to how companies use questionnaires to survey customers.

After gathering all the answers from people you seek advice from, you organize all the responses to extract meaningful patterns.

In other words, you distill the insights from other people’s experiences, instead of placing the burden on them. (Otherwise, people tend to feel socially obligated to give you a quick answer which often is NOT the insight you’re looking for).  

Trust me, it’ll save you from a 15-minute conversation on the life changing magic of college notebooks. ​

Lesson #3: Don’t give people advice (unless they asked for it)
​

I stopped giving unsolicited advice even though it made me feel good about myself.

I figured, if people really want your advice, they would ask for it. Plus, people don’t really listen to what you say unless they’re seeking your advice to begin with (or pay for it).

***

What are some of the good or bad advice you received?